The State of the Union Address President Obama SHOULD Have Given

My fellow Americans. Well, here I am again. This is the fifth time I’ve come before you, and given a State of the Union Address. And unlike my previous four, I’m going to try something different this time. I’m going to tell you the truth.

I might as well. Nothing else seems to be working. My popularity is down. The economy’s still a mess. My foreign policy is in a shambles. Fellow Democrats who have tough races this year don’t even want to be seen with me. Even my own wife is still ticked at me for the way I carried on with the quite attractive Prime Minister of Denmark at Mandela’s funeral – and that was seven weeks ago!

So, the truth. Here goes.

I guess I should start off with perhaps the biggest screw-up of my Presidency. That was telling you, the American people, that under Obamacare, if you liked your healthcare plan, you could keep it, period. And right up there with that, was saying if you wanted to keep your doctor, you could do that too. Well, neither of those things were true. And the most embarrassing thing of all is that my Administration knew it wasn’t true when I said those things. I apologize for misleading you. No, “mislead” is one of those weasely words politicians say when they’re trying to downplay what they did. I lied to you. Pure and simple. And I’m sorry for it.

Now I’d like to apologize for something else. When I was running for this office, I made a big deal about how I was going to be a different kind of President – how I was going to bring people together. Well, I’ve done just the opposite. I’ve tended to demonize my political opponents. I found class warfare to be an effective political weapon – but its use has left us more divided than ever as a nation. From now on I’ll debate the Republicans on the merits of an issue, but I’m going to stop demonizing them. Speaker Boehner’s actually a pretty decent guy. Mitt Romney was too. (I’m still not sure about Ted Cruz – or Rush.)

Now a few admissions in the area of foreign affairs.

I really blew it on Iraq. Much as I hated to admit it, Bush had actually prevailed in Iraq. The surge had worked (even though as a Senator I had opposed it.) Iraq was stable. We had a friendly government there. All that was needed to secure this victory, was a relatively small U.S. troop presence.

Then I became President, and what did I do? I pulled all the troops out. Sure, I used our inability to reach an agreement with the Iraqi government as an excuse. But that’s just what it was, an excuse. Now Iraq is coming apart at the seams, and the greatest threat to America today, Iran, is benefiting. I flushed the sacrifices made by so many brave Americans and Iraqis right down the toilet. I blew it.

And on Benghazi, I and my whole Administration set a new standard for ineptness. Request after request was made for additional security by our folks in Benghazi. My State Department’s response – refusal, or silence. And then when the predictable disaster occurred, we lied about it, sending Susan Rice out to pedal a story about a spontaneous uprising triggered by some video. We should have told the truth. And our failure to do so has not only undermined my standing with the American people, but could well undermine Hillary’s chance to succeed me in this office. Only time will tell.

A final admission – Presidents drone on far too long in their State of the Union Addresses. I know I did in my previous four. They tend to be a laundry list of promises – most of which go unfulfilled. So I’m going to break tradition tonight, and end my speech now. Members of Congress here in this chamber tonight, and those of you at home all over the nation, thank you for your time.

May God bless the United States of America.

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